by Adam Amel Rogers, Originally posted on change.org
This is part 3 in a multi-part series detailing Adam’s experience at the Focus on the Family “Love Won Out” conference.  Catch up with part 1 and part 2.

I was one session deep into the ex-gay “Love Won Out” conference and I still had a very clear “us vs. them” mentality. Since age 12, I’ve had a contentious relationship with the anti-gay evangelical community. They hated who I am so much that they want to change me; therefore, I have nothing positive for them. This war became very cloudy with the testimony of Mike Haley.

Haley looked like he was out of central casting for a thirty-something gay white male. He started his “testimony” by welcoming all of the gay activists in the audience. He said, “I know you are here and as long as you are respectful, I am glad you are here.” In my paranoia, I was convinced that every pair of eyes in the room was on me. It definitely gave him the power in the situation because it was clear that he wasn’t going to say anything that he didn’t want us to hear.

I was also taken aback because he used the word “gay.”  Usually, the fastest way to find out if someone is an ally or a hater is by analyzing the use of “gay” vs. “homosexual.” “Gay” is a bad word in the evangelical community because it dignifies our identity. They prefer “homosexual” because it sounds like a disease.

Haley spoke speedily with purpose. He was attractive, charismatic, disarming and impossible to hate. He told his story about growing up as a model child, who felt different because of his “homoemotional needs.” He spoke to a counselor at age 16 who (rightly) told him that there was nothing wrong with him, so he went to a gay bar and he found his home. He was on a “gay treadmill” for 12 years and he talked about the pressure to stay thin because of how he was only valued for what he looked like. He volunteered at HIV/AIDS organizations, he went to PRIDE, and he more than established his credibility as he built a connection with every gay person in the audience. He was already more valuable of a spokesman for their cause than James Dobson or Tony Perkins could ever be.

He told the Christians in the audience how hurtful it was to see Bible verses on signs at PRIDE, saying, “you think we will read those signs and change, but instead it pushes us further away.” He told the audience to eliminate “love the sinner, hate the sin” from their vocabulary. He got it. He was saying things that I feel everyday. Then he started talking about choice and I was ready to finally disagree with him. Instead, he said “no one chooses to be gay.” I was dumbfounded. He added, it may not be in people’s biology, but that is irrelevant, because it is not a conscious decision that people make.”

I realized that he was making me far too comfortable and that the emotional journey of his testimony was the key to their conversion philosophy. He gained the trust of the gay-identified audience members by meeting us where we are and speaking in terms that are comforting and disarming. Then once that trust was established, he zeroed in on the “change is possible” message.

He started in on how being gay isn’t God’s plan for people and he compared homosexuality to alcoholism and drug abuse (more on that will come in part 4). He began to detail his journey to leave homosexuality and how God rescued him. I was finally reminded that we are diametrically opposed, but I looked around and the damage had already been done; the room was full of tears. I was surprised that his story did actually move me. He was unhappy and he found something that he claims makes him happy. I couldn’t think of a reason not to be happy for him. I wonder if he would be happy for me, if I testified about how happy my husband makes me?

I don’t know if he is still attracted to men or if he is genuinely attracted to his wife. It honestly doesn’t matter to me –- what matters is that he now dedicates his life to telling people that the way they live is wrong and the way that he lives is right. I am not OK with that. Also, I was disappointed that he didn't address the actual process of "becoming straight." Perhaps this was just the initial sales meeting to rope people in, and they will burden them with the gory details later?

Next was the testimony of “ex-gay” Melissa Fryrear, another phenomenal presenter who oozed charisma and likeability.  Fryrear described herself as a “super lesbian” who abhorred the thought of physicality with a man. She told her story of feeling called to God, so she and her partner of seven years began going to church. Fryrear said even though it wasn’t her partner’s thing, she supported her and even bought Fryrear her first Bible. The story almost immediately jumped into her realizing that everything in her life was wrong as she “left homosexuality.” Everyone in the audience was too busy admiring her to notice how completely messed up it was to abandon her very supportive and loving partner, a la Lisa Miller.

In fact, love was completely absent from their message. They didn’t once acknowledge the possibility that two members of the same-sex could be in love. They applauded Fryrear for leaving the person who she spent seven years of her life with and probably would be married to, if she’d been legally able to.

I had found my moral high ground in the spirit of love. It became my new happy place -– for the rest of the day whenever I was traumatized by the brainwashing group-think environment, I would close my eyes and think of the love I have for my man –- a love that is stronger than anything I would endure that day.

Just two-hours into the conference and I was suddenly empowered and ready for more –- but I didn't know how long that empowerment would last.

This is part 3 in a multi-part series detailing Adam’s experience at the Focus on the Family “Love Won Out” conference. Stay tuned for Part 4 coming soon. In the meantime, check out part 1 andpart 2.

Photo credit: Ihar

by Adam Amel Rogers, Originally posted on change.org
The anti-gay evangelical community fascinates me. They have built a multi-million dollar industry based on opposing two things: LGBT equality and abortion rights. By now, most of their work has become quite predictable and uninspired (i.e. “marriage is between a man and a woman,” “hate crimes are thought crimes,” “same-sex marriage will lead to polygamy and bestiality,” etc.).

However, there are some issues the anti-gays choose to focus on that not only boil my blood, but also boggle my mind. The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), is frequently attacked by the anti-gay industry and I absolutely cannot understand why.

GLSEN is one of the most important organizations on the planet -- they exist only to create a safe environment for young people. Today marks the start of “No Name Calling Week,” which is one of GLSEN’s signature annual projects. Its intent is to bring attention to the national epidemic of name calling and bullying in schools. Yes, many LGBT young people are the victims of bullying, but the project doesn’t focus exclusively on young gay people; the project calls for an end of all name calling and bullying in our schools.

You would think it would be difficult to voice opposition to an anti-bullying campaign, but Linda Harvey of Mission: America vehemently condemns the effort because she doesn’t see anti-gay bullying as the problem. She sees homosexuality in schools as the problem.

“The truth is, homosexuality itself is hateful. It hates the natural human body and spirit, and opposes truth at every level. […] It “uglifies” a person, preventing the full blossom of natural beauty as a young male or female. […] All who enter it will be plagued by troubled spirits, anxious thoughts, unsatisfied desires, and insecurity, including separation from God and hostility and suspicion toward those who try to warn them. […] It is poison in any human life and it is poison in schools.”

Unfortunately, Linda is not a fringe outlier -– GLSEN has been a prominent victim of the anti-gay industry in recent months, because GLSEN founder Kevin Jennings has been appointed by President Obama to the post of Assistant Deputy Secretary for Safe and Drug-Free Schools. Alvin McEwen details the entire anti-gay campaign against Jennings, but to give you a quick taste, they have accused Jennings of promoting “fisting” and they have tried to link him to the North American Man Boy Love Association (NAMBLA). Their attacks have been unwarranted and mean-spirited and I will defend the appointment of Kevin Jennings any day, any time. He has the background and know-how to make our schools safer for all children.

I am proud of GLSEN for continuing to do amazing work in the face of hatred. Please visit www.nonamecallingweek.org to find out what your local schools can do to combat our bullying epidemic.

Photo credit: GLSEN

by Adam Amel Rogers, Originally posted on change.org
In Part 1 of this multi-part series, I set the scene for my covert expedition into the definitive ex-gay conference, “Love Won Out.” Since then, I’ve received numerous inquiries about what really happens in an ex-gay conference. No, there isn’t any electro-shock therapy or being forced to participate in stereotypical straight guy activities. However, there is a smart, calculated series of presentations meant to beat-in the message that it is indeed possible to leave homosexuality.

They laid down the gauntlet with the first speaker, Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, the president of the National Association of Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH). Since every single reputable medical and scientific organization condemns ex-gay therapy, it was important for the conference to try and build credibility with the audience by starting off with the “science” of the ex-gay world.

Dr. Nicolosi presented his “findings” that he says are based on his work with over 1,000 men with unwanted homosexuality. He flat out says that there is no such thing as a homosexual and that man’s body was built for a woman, so homosexual behavior violates natural law. Nicolosi paints a detailed picture of what family and social factors contribute to the desire for man-on-man love.

Are you gay men ready to find out what made you “choose the homosexual lifestyle?” Your mother (whom you have a special relationship with) was “overly emotionally involved with a strong personality” and your father (whom you have an “antagonistic” relationship with) was “quiet, withdrawn, non-expressive and/or hostile” and you, young gay boy, were “temperamentally shy, timid, introverted, artistic [and] imaginative.”

The father-son relationship is particularly important –- Nicolosi addressed the fathers in the room and said, “Fathers, if you don’t hug your son, another man will.” I looked around at all the parents and many were noticeably distraught at the “realization” that they were responsible for gaying up their kids.

After pontificating about “the condition of male homosexuality,” they finally touched upon the gay women. At least Dr. Nicolosi professes to base his theories on the scientific method -– for women they haven’t been able to find that one silver bullet cause of “lesbianism.” Instead, they hide behind a muddled casserole of various studies on the matter and they justify it by joking that “women always tend to be more complicated than the men.” This drew ruckus laughter from the misogyny-loving crowd.

Dr. Melissa Fryrear from Focus on the Family presented the “variations of lesbianism” which include women who just “dabbled in same-sex experiences,” women who emotionally immerse themselves with other women (but would never act out sexually), younger girls who hook up because they think bisexuality is in right now, and finally “classic lesbianism,” which they spent the most time on.

Alright all you “classic lesbians” out there, it's your turn to find your gay root. You clearly had a series of broken family relationships. Your mother was either emotionally distant, weak, manipulative, domineering, your best friend, or self-consumed. Glad they narrowed it down. As for your father, he was unprotecting, inattentive, unadoring and unsupportive. This all made you quite insecure and it inhibited you from effectively relating to men.

I don’t want to oversimplify their message, they also touch upon other lesbian-inducing activities like abuse, molestation and making generalizations against men after isolated negative experiences (e.g., he cheated on me, so I will now swear off men).

With each word they said, I looked into my own past. My mother was the opposite of overbearing and my father was always involved and present in my life, he supported me at every single sporting event (gasp, yes even gay kids can play sports) and we maintain a great relationship to this day. At the time, I felt relief that the description didn’t describe me perfectly, but in retrospect, it doesn’t matter if the presentation mirrored my life completely. I am sure many LGBT people will read this analysis and say “wow, that was my childhood.” But I guarantee that just as many straight people grew up in similar circumstances.

The truth is that no one definitively knows if there is a so-called “gay gene” or if there really are social factors that contribute to same-sex attraction. I, like most other LGBT people, stopped caring about the nature vs. nurture argument a long time ago. It doesn’t matter to me why I was attracted to men from such a young age, what matters is that I am not harmed nor shamed for having said attraction.

The people inside the Megachurch that day did not feel the same way as me. They were hungry and desperate to find out what caused them or their family member to deviate from what they interpreted as God’s will. In front of them stood a Christian man who spoke like a scientist and fed them answers to their questions. Just minutes into the ex-gay conference, the audience was hooked and ready for more. Any well-reasoned arguments about long-standing American Psychological Association (APA) positions detailing the harms of ex-gay therapy would now be met with regurgitated sound bites about how social science organizations are activists in the pocket of the powerful homosexual lobby.

As far as my experience, I had maintained my “at least they are still crazy” attitude throughout the first session. Little did I know that I was about to be hit with one of the most compelling and convincing presentations I have ever experienced … from a real-live ex-gay man.

This is part 2 in a multi-part series detailing Adam’s experience at the Focus on the Family “Love Won Out” conference. Stay tuned for Part 3 coming soon. Read part 1 here.

Photo credit: Dan the Webmaster

by Adam Amel Rogers, Originally posted on change.org

The 2010 California Gubernatorial race was supposed to be epic.

Ever since Gov. Schwarzenegger terminated personality-less Democrat Phil Angelides in the 2006 campaign, progressives have been looking forward to fighting for the governor’s chair in 2010. The fight was supposed to be between two big-city mayors who would use the position as a stepping-stone to a presidential bid.

Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa is an enthusiastic supporter of marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples and he has been an unwavering friend to the Los Angeles LGBT community. Unfortunately, following a very public affair, scandal and divorce, and the fall of his approval ratings, he never even entered the race to lead California.

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom did officially declare his candidacy for governor, despite the fact that he also was tinged with recent scandal.  Newsom’s role in the journey toward marriage equality is legendary and there are few straight allies in politics who have been as vocal in their support of LGBT issues.  Sadly, this gay rights champion will never lead his state. Newsom pulled out of the governor’s race in October 2009.

So, LGBT advocates in California are now left to put all their eggs into the basket of Attorney General and former Governor Jerry Brown.

Jerry Brown already served as California Governor in the 1970s, but after serving as Attorney General, he felt called back to the top post. Brown doesn’t make LGBT equality a core tenant of his candidacy, but there is little question about where he stands. Brown refused to defend Proposition 8 and he initiated the first court fight to try and overturn it. He is an ally and a friend to LGBT rights and he will probably enjoy the majority support of gay voters in California.

On the Republican side, the field became less interesting last week when Orange County Republican Tom Campbell left the race for governor to join the race for Barbara Boxer’s U.S. Senate seat. Campbell is unapologetic in his support for marriage equality and other LGBT issues -– hopefully there will be more Republicans like him in the future. But now that he is out of the race, which Republican candidate will champion LGBT issues?

No one. The two remaining Republican candidates are both bad news for the gay community.

eBay CEO Meg Whitman will more than likely be the Republican nominee. She has a ridiculous amount of money and thus far she is polling on top. She has been vocal about her support of Proposition 8 because of blah, blah, blah man and woman. She does support civil unions and she is OK with gay and lesbian couples adopting children, so she isn’t on the Mike Huckabee level of anti-gay, she is more on the spineless Democrat level of anti-gay. To her credit, she did come out in favor of maintaining the legality of the 18,000 married gay and lesbian couples in California, which means she is OK with me being married to a man because we did it in the right time frame. At the end of the day, it is hard to decipher really where her heart is on gay issues because of her flip-floppy past.

The only Republican with an opportunity to squeeze past Whitman is State Insurance Commissioner Steve Poizner. Poizner is predictably against marriage equality, but he is for domestic partnerships. Poizner indicated how he would treat LGBT issues as governor when he “refused to issue a letter welcoming people to the state’s numerous Pride events.” Like Whitman, he has a muddy past on gay rights. Equality California Executive Director says that in 2004, Poizner claimed to support full equality for gay people. Then, before the vote on Proposition 8, he would refuse to say where he stood on the issue, but now he is quite vocal in his opposition to marriage equality.

Photo credit: Jim Ferrigan

by Adam Amel Rogers, Originally posted on change.org
Who needs marriage when you have Will & Grace?

The federal Proposition 8 trial took a fascinating detour on Wednesday morning, when the cross-examination of Yale Professor George Chauncey used gay images in popular culture to prove the point that life isn’t so bad for the gays anymore.

Chauncey’s testimony focused on the long and painful history of anti-gay discrimination and how government policies have created and perpetuated anti-gay stereotypes like the ones used in the Proposition 8 campaign. He painted a very dismal, and unfortunately, accurate picture of the trials and tribulations the LGBT population has faced throughout the years.

David Thompson, an attorney for the anti-gay side, cross-examined Chauncey with the goal of establishing that “there has been a significant shift in public opinion in acceptance of and support for gays and lesbians.”

Thompson brought up a myriad of topics to show just how great and easy gay life is. He talked about the growing support after Matthew Shepard’s murder and the powerful political LGBT allies like Nancy Pelosi, Barney Frank and Barbara Boxer. He also asked if there have been any gay bar raids by police recently and Chauncey brought up the Fort Worth bar raid, which caused the anti-gays to basically say oh snap, he can only think of one gay bar raid!

Then he brought up the increase in gay representations in TV and movies, citing Will & Grace, Philadelphia, and Brokeback Mountain (where’s the love for Glee?). He said the popularity of these shows and movies have increased exposure for gays and lesbians.

Thompson is correct -– there has been a shift in attitudes toward LGBT people. There are some gay people scattered around television and some of them are even positive representations. What’s his point though? Is he suggesting that we should be happy and content without the freedom to marry because the gay cowboys almost won Best Picture? Is he saying that because we aren’t beaten up as often as before, anti-gay discrimination is over?  (p.s. I'm not sure we are being beaten up less often).

I am perplexed by this aspect of their Proposition 8 defense -– it strikes me as irrelevant and if anything, helpful to the case for marriage equality. Though, the daily trial spin by ProtectMarriage.com general counsel Andrew Pugno shows that this line of questioning is just one example of how our side is “losing ground” in this case.

We are not losing ground. We have an all-star legal team, an impressive set of plaintiffs and most importantly we are on the side of truth and justice.

Photo credit: Phil Gyford

by Adam Amel Rogers, Originally posted on change.org

2010-01-03 07:32:00 UTC

The LGBT community has a very important opportunity to stand up and be counted in 2010, and it is imperative that this occasion not be wasted. In March, Census packets will be mailed to everyone in the country, and it is vital that you are armed with the information you need to report yourself accurately.

Since 1990, gay and lesbian couples have been provided an unintentional outlet to categorize their relationship, by self-identifying as married or unmarried partners. Even though the results aren’t officially reported, the raw numbers reveal that 145,000 same-sex couples identified as married or “unmarried partners” in 1990 (before any legal recognition in the U.S. even existed) and close to 600,000 same-sex couples self-reported in 2000. The Obama administration has reversed a Bush-era policy, so in the 2010 Census, a report will be released that outlines official information about same-sex couples. Here are some quick instructions on how to make sure your family is reported correctly.

What Box Do You Check?
If you are in a relationship and you live together, you have two choices. First, one of you will be designated as “Person 1.” If there is no clear favorite for who should be the head of household, perhaps you could flip a coin, wrestle for it or hold a lip-synching competition. Whoever doesn’t win will be designated as “Person 2.” This person is asked how they are related to Person 1. There are 16 choices, but the two that concern you are “husband or wife” and “unmarried partner.”

This is the important part: You do not answer based on the actual legal status of your relationship, you answer based on how you personally categorize your relationship. If you are legally married, you will probably mark down “husband or wife,” though if you are in a civil union or domestic partnership, yet you still feel married, than you should also mark “husband or wife.” If there is no legal recognition of your relationship where you live, but you still consider yourself married, it’s also important that you mark “husband or wife.”

If this box doesn’t accurately represent your relationship, you have the option of the “unmarried partner” box. If this sounds like a vague catch-all, that’s because it is. The Guide to the American Community Survey says “An ‘Unmarried partner,’ also known as a domestic partner, is a person who shares a close personal relationship with Person 1.” If this better describes your relationship, than please mark the “unmarried partner” box.

If you are not in a relationship, unfortunately there is no way for you to officially come out to the U.S. Government on this Census, but there are still some important steps that you need to take if we are going to change this in the future.

The campaign to get a question on the 2020 Census that asks about sexual orientation and gender identity is well underway. There are two simple actions you can take right now to help make this happen:

1. Queer the Census, a project of the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force, is supplying pink stickers to the gay community that you will use to seal your Census envelope when you send it back. The stickers say “Attn: U.S. Census Bureau, It’s Time to Count Everyone!” and they provide a check box for you to mark if you are LGBT or a straight ally. It is vital that you go to the site and order your sticker and tell all your friends to do the same. Avoid the rush by ordering your sticker today and ensuring its arrival before Census time.

2. Sign the Change.org petition that urges U.S. Commerce Secretary Gary Locke to make sure that LGBT people are properly counted in the 2020 Census.

(Image Courtesy of Queer the Census)

by Adam Amel Rogers, Originally posted on change.org
The Super Bowl ad war has devolved into the hottest of messes. As it stands right now, the anti-choice Focus on the Family ad will air, while progressives are left complaining that a fledgling man-on-man hookup site’s ad isn’t also airing … Really? This is not how this was supposed to go down.

The decision to air the Tim Tebow anti-choice ad is so enraging because CBS previously rejected an ad by the United Church of Christ (UCC) that was not only LGBT-inclusive, but it was also a beautifully produced ad that presented an important message. The UCC ad actually has a chance of changing the hearts and minds of people who watch it. Unfortunately in this Super Bowl season, we don’t have the luxury of fighting for this ad to air:

The fact that this ad was rejected by CBS for advocacy, while the Focus ad is allowed to air is a travesty and CBS should be held responsible.

Unfortunately, the debate has veered off course because a site called ManCrunch saw the opportunity to face off against the Focus on the Family ad and hit the publicity jackpot in the process. I was initially excited and thought we were back in the game, until I watched the ad: Two straight guys fake kissing while their friend freaks out. This is the ad we are supposed to fight for? This is the ad that we want 100 million people to see?

The ManCrunch ad has (thankfully) been rejected by CBS, prompting many “gay dating site rejected” headlines. From everything I can tell, “gay dating site” is quite the misnomer – perhaps, “closeted hook up site” is more fitting.  No one seems to actually know anything about this site. It doesn’t appear to be targeting openly gay men, its website says it is for men on the “down low.” Great. Not only does it make people less inclined to vote for LGBT equality, it also encourages people to not live openly and honestly about being gay.

The ManCrunch ad is unfortunately not the worst LGBT-adjacent Super Bowl spot to be rejected by CBS – that crown belongs to GoDaddy.com, which features a former football player who changes his name to Lola so he can pursue fashion design and exhibit every super-gay stereotype that exists.

It should be stated that neither ManCrunch or GoDaddy are as bad as the Snickers ads that were allowed to air during the 2007 Super Bowl. These ads featured two guys who are compelled to “do something manly” after they accidentally kiss.  Even worse, Snickers showed footage on their site that showed the predictable negative reactions of players from the Colts and the Bears after they watched the commercials.

The Focus on the Family ad has not yet been released, but it undoubtedly is extremely well-produced and tailor made for the movable middle voting bloc. Just like the UCC ad was. Keep the conversation focused on UCC – don’t let ManCrunch hijack the discussion.

And lastly, as a gay man who is also a rabid sports fan, I call upon any LGBT advocates with the means available to start working on a 2011 Super Bowl commercial that actually advances the movement for LGBT equality.

Photo credit: Adam Amel Rogers

by Adam Amel Rogers, Originally posted on change.org
The so-called “ex-gay” movement is often seen as a fringe, extreme punchline by the gay community. Unfortunately, the out & proud gays are not their target demographic. Like it or not, the fact is that ex-gay ministries are a force to be reckoned with. They are masters in the arts of persuasion and brainwashing.  They are smart, politically savvy, and they have a stranglehold on the evangelical voting bloc. I came to these realizations after infiltrating the definitive ex-gay conference: "Love Won Out."

I’ve had very strong feelings against ex-gay evangelism for a long time, but a few years ago, I decided it was unfair to fervently condemn something I had never actually experienced. I picked up the phone and dialed the number for Focus on the Family.  If I was going to do this, I knew I needed to play the part, blend in and really immerse myself in the experience. I told the woman on the phone that I was struggling with homosexuality and that I wanted to register for Love Won Out. She responded by asking if it would be alright for her to pray for me. Caught off guard, I curiously replied, “uh… ok?”

In the three minutes that she spoke to God about me, something did truly change within me … no, I wasn’t suddenly attracted to women, but my thoughts were changed about this woman. She devoutly thought she was doing God’s work and that helping to pull me away from homosexuality was the most righteous task she could perform.  She was a product of everything she has ever heard on the subject. I wanted to end the charade and invite her over for dinner so she could meet my husband and see that our lives are not deviant, our souls are not in danger and that our ability to exist as a happy couple is nothing to be afraid of.

A few weeks later, I woke up early on a Saturday morning and drove a couple of hours into another galaxy. I tend to surround myself with people who don’t dedicate significant amounts of time and energy fixating on my hell-worthy trespasses, so it’s an understatement to say I was out of my comfort zone walking into a Megachurch to spend the day being told that everything I know to be true, is actually false.

As I parked, I looked across the street at the gay rights advocates who had gathered to protest the conference. It felt so painful to be on the other side, I wanted so much to cross the road and join them.

I entered and approached the registration table. The volunteers all looked like stand-ins for The Real Housewives of Orange County, which oddly put me at ease. They guided me into the monstrous Church and I sat down with the reportedly 1200 other registrants.

I gazed around me to decipher what brought everyone there. It seemed as though most were just curious members of the Church, but there were also a lot of parents who were trying to de-gay their teenagers and there were definitely many people there actively trying to eliminate same-sex attraction. I felt as though we failed these people.  I wanted to run over and shake them and tell them to be happy with the way that God made them.

The first speaker walked up to the stage and I took a deep breath. My day in the heart of enemy territory was just beginning.

This is Part 1 in a three-part series detailing Adam’s experiences at the Focus on the Family “Love Won Out” conference. Stay tuned for Part 2 coming soon.

Photo credit: Daniel Green

by Adam Amel Rogers, Originally posted on change.org
It was quite evident that the New Jersey state Senate wasn’t going to have the votes to pass marriage equality last Thursday, so while I still hoped for a miracle, deep down I knew the final tally would be disheartening. Like thousands of others, I watched the scoreboard hoping that the votes for marriage would increase. They didn’t, and the bill failed as expected.

What I didn’t expect (although, I probably should have by now) is what happened immediately following the vote. When they announced that the bill had failed, a resounding applause filled the room. I’m not talking about polite clapping, there was a full-fledged emphatic series of yells, hallelujahs and woo-hoos!

I was appalled and confused.

The gallery was filled with people from both sides of the issue, so if marriage equality would have passed, I would expect a loud ovation from gay marriage advocates. After all, the vote had a direct influence on their lives -– an affirmative result would mean that they could now have equal recognition of their relationships.

As far as the reverse, I absolutely cannot understand why denying your neighbors’ right to marry would elicit such an exuberant response. My brain cannot process why so many people took the day off work so they could sit in an old statehouse for hours and wait for their opportunity to cheer the fact that the people surrounding them weren’t afforded the same rights as them.

Their lives don’t change because of the vote. Their children aren’t told that their family doesn’t deserve the same rights and protections as other families. It is unhealthy for them to dedicate so much time and energy to keeping others out of the marriage club.

BUT, anti-gay activists beware: This mean-spirited bullying not only angers me, it fills me with even more resolve to achieve marriage equality.  We will continue to fight and when we win, our applause will celebrate the elimination of our second-class citizenship, not the personal pain of the people around us.

Photo courtesy of ProComKelly's Flickr Photostream